Let’s be honest, most parents can’t wait to get their kids back to school after a long summer break. Much as we’ve loved spending quality family time together it always feels like a welcome relief to get back to a regular routine. No more constant demands for food, tidying up their mess and refereeing sibling fights.

For parents of autistic kids it can be a time of extreme stress and worry. We know all too well that we will have some major battles to face. Our kid’s anxiety levels will be sky high from the thought of changing their routine from holiday mode to school mode. They will worry about everything from being in a new classroom to whether their teacher will understand them and know their special education needs.

There are so many extra levels of worry for an autistic child that the whole idea of going back to school is totally overwhelming.

As parents we know that the extra worry and anxiety turns into difficult behaviour, typically anger, demand avoidance and defiance. We are usually at the receiving end of this behaviour so preparation and planning is crucial to minimise as many triggers as possible.

Here are my top ten essential planning tips for getting your autistic child ready for going back to school and avoiding a Monday morning meltdown.

1. If your child has outgrown their old school shoes and you absolutely have to buy new ones, always buy them early. Around three weeks before school starts is good. It’s essential that you have your child wear the shoes at least 5 times before school starts. Not just trying them on, actually wearing them for activities, trips or playing in the garden. Never keep them in the box to keep them smart and fresh for day one. It will end in disaster. I have brand new shoes that have never been worn because they “felt funny” on the first day of school and he’s refused to even have them on his feet ever since. He had chosen them, tried them on and said he liked them beforehand. But on the first day of school they were flung across the hall and I was told he hated them. All because I had done the typical mum thing and wanted him to look smart for his first day.
2. Wash all their uniform so it smells good. Don’t change your detergent though, it needs to smell fresh but familiar. If the uniform is brand new you will need to wash it at least 2-3 times to soften it up as well. Stiff fabrics and stale or ‘new clothes’ smells can cause sensory problems that your child will not cope with. Don’t forget socks and underwear too. Definitely do not buy new socks! ‘Bad feel’ socks can result in your child stripping off completely 5 minutes before you are supposed to be leaving the house.
3. Remove all scratchy labels and tags ideally before your child tries on the clothes if you can but certainly before they wear them properly. A scratchy label can make the whole garment a no-no for ever. I’d also recommend adjusting elastic on waistbands to roughly where you think it needs pulling in before trying on. You have a limited opportunity for checking fit before your child reaches their tolerance level. Use it wisely.
4. Get your child to wear their school uniform at home. Even if you do this as an individual garment at a time it will benefit you in terms of identifying any issues in advance. One day it could be just the shirt, another day just the trousers/skirt.
5. Make a checklist of all the equipment your child needs for each day at school. Starting with their first day requirements use the checklist and ask your child to help collect everything together. Then ask them to decide where each thing will go and pack their school bag together. If they have been involved in deciding and doing, and they have a visual aid to help them complete the task successfully, they will be more likely to do this independently in the future. Aim to have the bag packed in advance, don’t wait until the night before to start. If your child wants to check everything, use the list to encourage them to put everything back in.
6. Don’t forget to include any sensory aids that your child may need or would benefit from. Ear defenders are an absolute essential for us and they have to be in our sons school bag. It’s also good to have fidget toys, calming products and any educational equipment like pen grips in the school bag in case the school don’t have them available.
7. Plan a day for your child to try their full uniform on, including their coat, shoes, backpack, lunch box and water bottle. This way they will know how it all feels together, how heavy their bag is and what it feels like to walk around with it. Listen to any complaints and try and rectify any issues before trying again. If all goes smoothly you should be good to go, if not you have time to make alternative plans or adjustments.
8. Make sure you practice the walk to school especially if it’s a new school. Your child needs to familiarise themselves with how long it takes, how far it is and what they will see and do on the route. Even f you’ve done it lots of times before a reminder is still good. If it’s a new route or school it will need a few practices.
9. Try and talk about school as much as possible in ways your child finds comfortable. Rather than asking if they are worried about starting school, talk about how great it will be to catch up with a particular friend. Encourage them to talk and make sure you listen to their worries so you can address as many concerns as possible in advance.
10. Use social stories to explain how the school day is likely to go. The more information you can get from school the better but at the very least find out where their new classroom is, which entrance to use, where the toilets are.

This is by no means exhaustive and there may be other things specific to your child that you know would be beneficial to add to this list. It will give you a great foundation to start from and can certainly give you an insight into some of the issues that could be under the surface if your child finds it difficult to express themselves effectively.

Good luck and I wish you a meltdown free first day back at school! Drop me a line to let me know how it went, I’d love to hear your stories nadine@myextraordinaryfamily.com

Love and hugs,

Nadine

xxx

P.S Click here for your free printable version of my Top Ten Essential Back to School Tips for Parents with Autistic Kids

All content created for and written by myextraordinaryfamily.com is based on my own personal experience as an autism mother, partner and advocate. I am an expert by experience and do not have official qualifications in autism. I live my daily life constantly learning, supporting and advocating for my neurodiverse family and speak from this point of view. Any advice given is purely based on what has worked for me and my extraordinary family and I offer no guarantees that you will have the same results with your unique family.