Have you ever heard the phrase “it takes a village to raise a child”? In my opinion no truer words have ever been spoken, especially when it comes to autistic kids. You simply cannot do this alone. You need a team of amazing people to help you.
These people need to be compassionate, positive and kind. Qualifications and experience are great but only if applied in encouraging and nurturing ways. Your child spends a huge amount of time at school, and this is their most challenging environment. Building strong and trusting relationships with key adults at school is essential.
If you don’t have a great team working coherently to meet your child’s needs, your child will just be surviving.
Nobody can be happy just surviving. How can a child achieve their full potential if all their energy is spent just getting through the day?
School can often be too fast, too noisy and too big. Without a team of dedicated and trusted adults, my son would simply not feel safe in school at all.
Who do we have in our team and how do they help?
It’s taken three years for us to get a full team together. I don’t want it to take as long for you, so I’ve made a list of the key adult support you need to ask for. I’ve then gone on to explain in more detail the role they perform but also what makes these individuals great at what they do.
Remember it isn’t just about simply having the team, It’s got to be the right team for your child. A team of advocates that work together and communicate effectively between each other and with you. You should feel like part of the team and that you are all on the same side.
On our school team we have:
- A Teaching Assistant
- A Class Teacher
- The Nurture Team
- A Pastoral Manager
- The SENCO (Special Educational Needs Co-Ordinator)
His Teaching Assistant
His TA works with him on a one to one basis and she truly is amazing. Not only is she fully trained and extremely experienced in autism. More importantly she has the most calm and gentle soul with the patience of a saint.
She has spent months gradually building up trust. Let’s just say my son was initially a little reluctant, so it’s been a slow process. She’s never rushed him or become frustrated by him. She’s risen to the challenge and never given up on him. They have a fantastic relationship now and I don’t know how he will cope without her next year.
She provides the executive function support for his brain. These are not skills he currently possesses, so this support is absolutely vital for him to complete his schoolwork. If she wasn’t there to explain the task, break it into small chunks, tell him how much he has to do and how long it will take, he would simply never even be able to start.
She makes sure his sensory needs are met, from allowing him to clean his hands and desk with hand sanitizer numerous times to making sure the paper isn’t “too dry” for him to touch. Finding him quiet areas to work when the noise makes it impossible to concentrate in class. Facilitating brain breaks and sensory moments to keep him on track.
She adapts work for him to make it more accessible. This can be cutting up a long document into individual questions. Scribing for him on written tasks or even changing the subject for a writing task to better suit his interests.
For example, the class topic might be about Egyptians so the writing task will be based on this subject. However, the objective is actually to show an understanding of spelling and grammar. In this instance the subject could be changed to writing about ‘Stranger Things’ without affecting the desired outcome. He is more engaged and it doesn’t feel like work.
She sees him as a whole. It’s not just about finding clever ways to persuade him to do the work. It is about understanding him fully and finding what works for him. Knowing when to push his boundaries. Recognising the days that are just too much for him and knowing when to back off. It’s about supporting his well being just as much as his education.
His Class Teacher
He has an incredible class teacher who right from the minute the classes were announced has been totally supportive. She worked closely with his previous teacher at the end of last school year to make sure she knew as much as possible about him. She called me into school to ask me about my views and she was genuinely excited to get to know him.
She did the research beforehand so she could do her best for him and her aim has always been to unlock his potential.
She made time for individual transition work to be done before the rest of the class got involved. His Y5 teacher engineered a seemingly chance meeting, so he got to meet her informally. He visited the classroom by himself so he could familiarise himself with the layout. He even got the chance to choose where he would like to sit without the chaos and pressure of thirty kids scrambling for chairs.
The most valuable thing for me is our open and effective communication. We speak or email regularly and it’s lovely to know that it’s sometimes good news too. All too often a teacher only calls with bad news. You never get told about the successes, only the failures, the bad behaviour and the dreaded ‘incidents’. This teacher is different, she calls just to tell me how proud she is that he’s achieved something. Even on days when he’s thrown something across the classroom, it’s never an ‘incident‘. She always says that he’s had a tricky day or he’s struggled with something.
Often just a facial expression or simple hand gesture when I drop him off in the morning is sufficient for her to know how the day will go. Her flexible and kind attitude means I trust her to find the right strategy for him and make sure he has the best day possible.
She makes him feel both safe and valued. She asks how he feels about things and reacts with compassion. She doesn’t have to prove she’s in charge by being bossy or shouty and they work things out collaboratively.
They have developed a strong connection and he feels that she understands him. This in turn has fostered a respect that he doesn’t automatically give. Respect has to be earned and wouldn’t just be given because she is his teacher.
He trusts her completely and her approval is important to him. He has never said a bad word about her. This has never happened before.
When faced with the major disappointment of being unable to provide his own break out room his teacher moved the classroom around to make a space for a sofa. He now has his own personal sofa for when things get overwhelming.
Nothing has ever felt like too much trouble and all concerns and requests have been met with positivity.
His Nurture Group
Three afternoons a week are spent in the Nurture Room along with a small group of other special needs children. These kids are across all year groups so age, ability and needs vary.
He complains endlessly about how much the other kids annoy him, but it has given him the opportunity to see other kids are different too. He isn’t massively tolerant of other people as a rule so it’s been beneficial for him to gain a better understanding of diversity. He now recognises that other kids need different support and have different abilities.
The smaller group gives him respite from the stress of the classroom. Full days in class feel too overwhelming every day so it definitely helps him to cope. Often Nurture is the only thing that gets him through the week.
The focus is less about formal education and more towards building life skills, social skills and emotional resilience. It’s much more chilled and the kids are encouraged but not forced to participate in the activities. It’s a safe space and if they want to hide under a bean bag for a while nobody judges them or tells them off.
Nurture Group also allows him access to outdoor play. He doesn’t feel safe outside during normal break times. It’s too busy and loud, footballs can hit you at any given moment and there are too many social rules to think about.
Historically this has been the time he’s struggled most with falling out with friends and getting upset or frustrated. Within the smaller group he plays outside happily and has fun.
Nurture Group can also be credited for introducing him to Chess, Yu-Gi-Oh and anime therefore expanding his limited interests.
Most importantly he’s made friends who accept and understand his differences. They’ve bonded over shared difficulties as well as interests. They now have peer support and are fiercely protective of each other. If one of them starts tipping towards anger or upset the other will prop them up, often averting the crisis. If it’s got to the point of crisis then the other knows how to help them regain control.
His Pastoral Provision
His Pastoral Manager has been the one constant in his life at juniors. His teachers change every year, his classroom is different every year, but his Pastoral Manager has always been the same lady. They have a fantastic relationship and he trusts her completely.
She is the glue that holds everything together. Whatever his problems are, whenever he is struggling to cope, whenever I can’t get through to him, I know she can make everything better.
He has one regular session each week but can also go and see her whenever he’s struggling. I can call on her for extra support if I feel he’s struggling with something and I know she will find time to speak with him.
Her work has varied over the years from Lego Therapy sessions to improve sharing and turn taking skills. Working on social skills and offering adult intervention when friendships go wrong.
If he simply needs a sympathetic ear or a shoulder to cry on, she’s always been there for him.
The School SENCO
In an ideal world the SENCO should be pulling your team together and making sure everyone is kept informed and working towards the same goal. Regular meetings to discuss progress and adjustments should be organised.
They should also be advising on best practice and Government guidelines to keep everything on track and accurately documented. If outside bodies need to be involved it’s their job to suggest and arrange them.
You should be having visits from the Autism Team to assess whether the provision is working and to suggest adjustments. Your child may need Speech and Language Therapy or Occupational Therapy. An Educational Psychologist should assess your child, but these guys are like unicorns, you are told about them, but you’ve never actually seen one for yourself. We certainly haven’t yet.
The SENCO’s job should be to ensure the best outcome for your child. This is sadly not always the case and you can be left battling to prove that your child deserves support more than another. It all comes down to funding rather than need.
We have had 4 different SENCO’s in 3 years at our school, so this has not happened for us and it’s been hugely detrimental. Consistency is crucial although a bad SENCO is worse than none at all.
Be vigilant and do your own research to check your entitlements. Don’t rely on the SENCO as your only source of information.
A Summary of What a Good Support Team Looks Like
- Your child’s best interests are at the heart of all decisions
- Flexible and creative teaching
- Compassion and understanding
- Excellent communication within the team and to you
- You are involved and valued as part of the team
- Emotional support is prioritised
- Good advice and information sharing
- Full and consistent support, every day of every week
- Regular reviews and adjustments
If you need help getting your team together, and school are being reluctant to offer support, head over to my blog post https://myextraordinaryfamily.com/how-i-learned-to-advocate-for-my-autistic-boy/
You will find more information on how we overcame this issue along with guidance on what you can do too.
Once you have your team in place your child will have a great foundation of support to help them to thrive and not just survive.
The next step is to work with your team to assess when, where and how your child struggles in school. Some of these will be glaringly obvious but others will be trickier to work out.
Chances are you’ve already identified some areas of difficulty and hopefully adjustments have been made. However, it is always good to regularly re-assess and often when one problem is solved another appears. It is not that it wasn’t there all along, it was hidden behind a bigger problem.
For ideas, information and tips about what accommodations and adjustments to try, go to https://myextraordinaryfamily.com/what-are-essential-accommodations-for-autistic-kids
See you there!
Love and hugs,
Nadine
xxx
All content created for and written by myextraordinaryfamily.com is based on my own personal experience as an autism mother, partner and advocate. I am an expert by experience and do not have official qualifications in autism. I live my daily life constantly learning, supporting and advocating for my neurodiverse family and speak from this point of view. Any advice given is purely based on what has worked for me and my extraordinary family and I offer no guarantees that you will have the same results with your unique family.
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